How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
