At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
