i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
