Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize