I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
