she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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