I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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