So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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