definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
