I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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