"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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