Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
