I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
