never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
