Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
