She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
