I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
