I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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