he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
