I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize