please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
