I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize