but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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