So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
