They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
