I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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