I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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