Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
