I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
