Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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