you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
