you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
