That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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