Having a random hookup so left but love u
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
