I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
