i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize