my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I want to fling myself into the sun
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize