Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
