I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize