He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
