i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
