shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
