either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
