Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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