where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
