And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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