Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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