my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
