Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
