he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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