I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Mom said you looked used
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
