How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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