Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
