I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
