So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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