What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
