his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
