i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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