Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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