i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
