I'm gonna have a badass scar
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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