My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
