I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
