I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
