didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
