I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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