I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
