You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
