my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
